Single Dad CEO: A Billionaire Boss Romance Page 13

  Instead, we say goodbye with rather more excitement on his part than mine. Unless the butterflies I’m feeling about the whole thing count as excitement. They’re definitely something.

  I know I’m going to miss Gramps for the week, too. He might not seem bothered about my absence, but I’ve gotten used to seeing him regularly again - and I’m just going to worry that something will happen if I’m not here.

  Which is stupid, since me being here wouldn’t change anything, but…that doesn’t stop the feeling.

  I ask myself why I agreed to any of this a dozen times over in that week - but the moment the three of us are on the flight and heading to New York, it’s obvious.

  Abbie is enthusiastic and excited - enough that Kenneth has to calm her down a little to avoid some of the wary, discontented looks we’re getting from passengers around us.

  At least she’s not screaming or having a massive tantrum.

  I would’ve thought there were worse things to be around than an excited child…but then I’ve never flown first class, either. From the looks of it, there are a lot of high-class business people on this flight. I wonder idly if any of them have kids, somehow doubting it as Kenneth quiets Abbie down and sends me a mixed eye-roll-grin that makes me want to grin back.

  He looks almost as excited as Abbie, despite the week of business meetings, and their anticipation is starting to feel infectious.

  The strange electric butterflies come back and I try to hunker down in front of my laptop, ignoring them until they go away and focusing on the arrangements for the week, double-checking I have everything covered. Okay, triple-checking. Or maybe a few times more than that.

  Yeah, I’m feeling kind of nervous, okay?

  It’s just that it’s not the arrangements making me nervous.

  We arrive into New York in the late afternoon, with Kenneth’s meetings scheduled to start the next day, and as Kenneth talks about all the things Abbie and I can do in New York together, I have to try to ignore how much this feels like we’re all on some sort of vacation together. Talk about personal.

  It’s not. You work for him and you’re just doing him a favor. That’s all. Even if you have some ages-old crush going on.

  I just don’t remember seeing him this animated about anything business related.

  Distracted by everything he’s saying, it’s not until we’re almost at the hotel that he looks up with a frown.

  “Wait, this isn’t the Crowne Plaza. Where—”

  This time I’m the one that rolls my eyes - already slipping into the less formal vibe that having Abbie around seems to create.

  “I didn’t think a high class business hotel was really what Abbie was looking for.”

  He blinks, then glances back down to his daughter as I continue.

  “I figured you could trade access to those meeting rooms you never use for somewhere with more natural suites, child-friendly restaurants and Central Park within walking distance.”

  He laughs, giving me a rueful smile. “I didn’t think about that.”

  “Mm.”

  At least one of us does.

  But I don’t say it. That is what I’m here for, after all.

  “Good thing we’ve got Jessica to look after us, hey, Abbie?” He winks at his daughter and she grins at me, nodding, even though I doubt she understands what we’re talking about.

  “Are you looking forward to spending the week exploring New York with her?” He asks, his voice obviously encouraging as she nods along, seeming distracted by everything she’s seeing out of the window.

  “We’ll have fun.” I smile at them both. “I’m looking forward to it, too.”

  My eyes meet Kenneth’s for a moment and I find myself fighting the heat that wants to spread across my face.

  However unconventional this might be, it’s true.

  I’m looking forward to this week.

  Chapter Ten

  Kenneth

  The week in New York City goes better than I could have hoped for.

  Jessica was right about the hotel - something I only fully appreciated when Abbie’s squeals and yells of excitement fit in among the other children and families around, instead of attracting disapproving looks from sharply dressed businessmen.

  Of course, the child-friendly restaurants and the suite she booked that includes a separate living area and a kitchen of its own are a bonus too. It’s about as close as it could get to a real apartment, but with all of the luxuries and conveniences of a hotel - just about the best option possible for Abbie. I have no idea how much I’m paying for it all, but I couldn’t care less.

  Most of my meetings run on until late and extend into business dinners, so I don’t see as much of Jessica and Abbie as I’d like, but every time I do see my little girl, she can’t stop telling me about everything she’s doing and all the fun she’s having. I brought her along so she wouldn’t spend the whole week without me, but with everything Jessica is doing with her and how alternately excited and exhausted she spends the whole week, I can’t help wonder whether she’d even notice if she didn’t see me at all.

  Seeing how well they’re getting on is enough to warm something deep inside me, though, and I couldn’t ask for more.

  I make an effort to get back in time to read her a story and tuck her up in bed at least once during the week, but mostly, I see them both at breakfast and for the occasional mornings I manage to sneak away and join them in Central Park.

  Those mornings that I can spend with Abbie, I would have expected Jessica to take a break - but for some reason, we all end up going out together.

  I don’t say anything about it, but that’s the best part of the whole week for me. It says something that even after so much time looking after Abbie, Jessica would still choose to join us when I do manage to get the morning off.

  We have the best time, too, the three of us.

  And I know it’s stupid to think it - but it almost feels like…what I imagine being a family would feel like.

  Me, Jessica and my little girl.

  On vacation.

  It’s not - I know that. This isn’t a vacation and we’re not actually a family, of course, but…well, maybe I indulge in the thought a little bit.

  Sometimes you need a few fantasies to get you through reality.

  That illusion is only broken on those brief occasions that Jessica starts a discussion about work. I don’t stop her - if that’s how she wants to justify coming along with us both, I’m not going to object. I don’t tell her that in those moments, even our work conversations feel more like a partnership than anything else. Being her boss is the last thing I’m thinking about.

  The night before we leave New York, I’m late coming back to the hotel - and annoyed about it, too. I’d been hoping to make it to dinner with Jessica and Abbie for our last night, but I should have guessed that the investors I was seeing today would want to take me out. I couldn’t easily refuse without offending anyone, even if an evening with Jessica and Abbie seemed a lot more appealing, so I reluctantly sent Jessica a text to let her to go ahead without me - which was already much later than Abbie usually eats.

  Even so, I’d been planning to leave early enough that I could read her a story before bed - but that didn’t work out, either. These things always seem to go on later than I intend, and as I walk into the hotel room at 10pm, I feel guilty.

  “Hey.” Jessica says softly, walking over from the couch as she hears the door click closed.

  I glance toward the room Abbie’s been sleeping in, matching her quiet tone. “Is she in bed?”

  “She tried to wait up, but…”

  I nod, sighing as I move past toward the living area.

  “I’m sorry. It went on later than I thought it would.” I glance over my shoulder. “Thanks for putting her down for the night.”

  Jessica nods, her face looking soft and sweet in the muted light.

  “That’s okay. I’m sorry you couldn’t join us.”

  The way
she’s looking at me, it feels like she somehow knows how much I wanted to.

  I let out another long breath, pulling out a bottle of wine from the mini-fridge and raising it toward her in suggestion. “Do you want a glass?”

  She hesitates and I give her a wry smile. “I wanted to say thank you for this week at dinner, but…”

  “Yeah, okay then.”

  I pour us both a glass, handing one over before going to sit down on the couch, taking a sip and shaking my head. I’d avoided alcohol at dinner because that wasn’t how I wanted to come home to Abbie, but now? I’m disappointed enough that I could do with it mellowing me out.

  “Abbie didn’t mind.” Jessica says, obviously trying to be helpful as she comes to sit on the other couch. “She’ll be excited to see you tomorrow morning, but she was pretty tired out tonight from the Aquarium.”

  “That’s not the…” I sigh, running a hand through my hair and staring off into the lights of the city set behind her. “It feels like I’m always doing this. I spend my whole time trying, but it never quite works out. What does it matter what I plan to do if, in the end, I’m not actually around?”

  I’m not really asking Jessica - but the thoughts spill out anyway, having cluttered up my mind for too long with nowhere else to go.

  “You brought her with you.” Jessica responds anyway. “And she’s had a wonderful time - it’s made all the difference to her, getting to come with you for this trip.”

  “Because of you.” I say, my eyes flicking back to her face and the warm, caring expression there. “She’s had a wonderful time because of everything you’ve done.”

  Jessica shrugs, glancing away and I lean back in the couch, taking another sip of my wine.

  “It always feels like I do everything I can, even knowing it’s never going to be enough. She needs more, Jessica, more than I can give her and I don’t know…”

  I trail off. As much as the words feel like they’re burning up in my mind and boiling in the back of my throat, this isn’t Jessica’s problem. It’s not fair to burden her with it. This was meant to be about me thanking her, damn it.

  “From what I can see, you’re doing an amazing job, Kenneth.” She replies anyway, her voice encouraging and sincere in a way that affects me more than I want to admit.

  When was the last time anyone ever tried to give me some reassurance? I never thought I needed it, of course, but…

  “She’s happy. I know it’s hard - I can see that - but whatever you’re doing, Abbie is a brilliant little girl who seems to be happy and healthy. You can’t get much better than that.” She shakes her head. “I’ll admit, I don’t know how you cope with trying to balance it all, but whatever you’re doing does seem to work.”

  “I’m not sure I am. Coping, that is.” I say quietly, looking away. I’m not going to contradict what she’s saying, when she’s obviously trying so hard to be nice, but…I can’t say I believe it, either. “Sorry. I didn’t mean—well, any of this.”

  I stand up, giving her a regretful smile as I take a couple of steps over to the bar area at the side. I finish my glass of wine and set it down before turning back to her.

  “All I really wanted to do was thank you for the week - I’m not sure how to say how much of a difference it’s made to Abbie, but really…you didn’t have to come.” I look back at her, my eyes catching on her compassionate gaze as I try not to notice the way my heart stutters in response, especially when I think of everything she’s done for Abbie. “I can’t say how glad I am that you did.”

  She stands up as well, her glass abandoned on the coffee table as she steps closer to me.

  “I wanted to.” She repeats, and the way she’s looking at me right now, I actually believe it. “She’s a wonderful girl.”

  “She is.” I agree easily. “She deserves more.”

  “It seems like she has an awful lot from where I’m standing, Kenneth. You shouldn’t be so hard on yourself.”

  “It’s just…it’s not what I wanted for her, Jessica.” I say, feeling strange as I realize I’m confiding in her in a way I haven’t done with anyone since Ashley left. “I never wanted her to be raised by Nannies, with her parents too busy to be around for her. She’s got all the stuff she might want, but what about the important things? I didn’t want…her to only have me. I didn’t want to raise her alone.”

  That’s the crux of it. Everything else - sure, she has my love and devotion in every way I can possibly show it, I won’t deny that, but…I’m still only one person, and I have a crazy job to go along with it.

  She should have a Mom. Someone else to love her and raise her. Someone who can be around when I can’t, and share it all with me.

  “What happened?” Jessica asks quietly, her eyes locking with mine.

  She’s standing a pace away, but it doesn’t feel like that - she feels right next to me, my skin heating from her gaze.

  “With Ashley?” I ask, even though I have no idea whether Jessica has heard that name before.

  She nods anyway.

  “She left me.” I say simply, then shrug. “She said I was too demanding, too cold, too focused on my job and the life we had together wasn’t the one she’d expected - or wanted.”

  Jessica is just looking calmly back at me, and something about the way she’s listening, so focused and intent, makes it easy to continue, to say what’s been on my mind for all these years.

  “She might even have been right about all that, I don’t know. I could have forgiven her for it - but not for leaving Abbie, too. I’d thought if the ‘family life’ we had together wasn’t what she’d wanted, she would at least still want some kind of it - that she’d want to be a part of Abbie’s life. But…” I shake my head. “It didn’t seem to work out that way. She visits, occasionally, she writes letters and turns up when it suits her, but…she’s not involved. Not the way she should be. She doesn’t seem to want to be. I’ve tried to talk about it with her, despite how things ended between us, but she flat out ignores me. As far as I can tell, when she left me, she wanted a fresh start completely - without being tied down by the kid she had with a man she obviously regrets.”

  I try not to sound bitter about that, but I can’t help it. It’s not that I mind that she regrets our relationship - if I’m honest, I do too - it’s that she seems to regret Abbie, and I can’t stand the idea of that at all.

  Jessica reaches out and catches my hand, stepping closer, and I look up at her in surprise, but I hold on tight, squeezing it back as I give her a little smile of appreciation.

  “If you want to know what I really think…” I start, then stop.

  Those are the things I don’t say to anyone. The cynical thoughts that I try not to acknowledge. Partly because it’s painful, and partly because I’m better than that. Ashley may be my ex, but she’s the mother of my child too. I’ve been very careful not to criticize her to other people.

  “What do you think?” Jessica asks softly, and there’s something about that voice that draws me in, that reminds me of the time I could tell her anything.

  At the edge of my mind, I wonder whether it should feel strange to be talking about my ex-wife with another ex, but that’s not how this feels. Not at all.

  It’s enough that this time, I do come out and say it, some part of me trusting Jessica with the harsher, less forgiving part of myself.

  “When I’m not feeling particularly generous, I wonder whether the ‘life she’d expected’ was more about my fortune than attitude - whether she found me too ‘demanding’ because I tried to insist that she was around for Abbie. I didn’t want my daughter raised by the army of Nannies she was looking to employ, while she went off and enjoyed the spa days and shopping trips she was used to.” I admit, feeling strange to finally say it out loud, before giving a short, bitter laugh. “Only that’s what happened anyway, in the end - she’s enjoying her settlement and Abbie is being raised by Nannies every day, while I’m working. I’m not doing raising her any better by myself t
han Ashley would have done if she’d had her way.”

  I shake my head. It’s an irony that I’ve been aware of for years, but perversely, it feels good to finally say it out loud - to share it with someone else.

  “That’s not the same.” Jessica interrupts, before I can think it, and I meet her determined gaze. I forget that about her, sometimes, with how warm and caring she can be.

  “It’s not.” I agree. “And I wouldn’t change the outcome, not really. At least I’m trying to avoid having other people raise Abbie, even if I’m not doing a great job of it. I mean, sure, sometimes I wonder if it would have been better to take the end result I’ve got now, but with Abbie’s Mom actually around for her, but…I’m not sure how much more of the arguing and resentment either of us could have taken - and that wouldn’t have been good for Abbie either. We weren’t good for each other, in the end. I only wish I’d worked that out sooner.”

  “I know. Life would be better if we could do it in hindsight.” Jessica gives me a sympathetic smile and I return it, squeezing her hand again.

  “Yeah. I know that feeling.” I shake my head. “It’s why I’ve been so reluctant to bring anyone else into Abbie’s life - even though I think she needs someone. I’ve thought about it, but I can’t bring myself to try…not when I can’t know. I don’t trust my judgment, not after Ashley, and I can’t afford to get it wrong. Especially as I’ve become more…visible. Too many people are just looking for money—I mean, hell, that fucked up lawsuit is proof enough of that, looks like I attract gold-diggers despite swearing off relationships.”

  I stop myself, suddenly feeling weird talking about it. Talking about Ashley with Jessica was one thing - but my screwed up love life? Not that I have one. All I have is a mess of paranoia and a burning need for something I can’t reach.

  “So Abbie doesn’t have anyone else.” I say, bringing it back to the only point that actually matters. “And no matter how much I think about it, that’s not something I can fix.

  “She has you…” Jessica murmurs, stepping closer, her deep brown eyes holding mine with a warmth that transfixes me. “That’s what matters, Kenneth. That’s who she wants.”